A few days back, I posted a piece “On The Other Side Of The Shadow”……… It got very good response and a message from someone, I don’t know (wink, wink) ……….. So here is how the other half thinks……I am just doing a copy paste job here….No Offence Ladies, this guy has a point.
First of all, Hats off to you to do a “Taking” of the species Malekind, I must say you have some balls woman!!!…. but trust me baby, if you are 38, Male, single, straight, sensible, smart, reasonably good looking and well placed, Lahore or any other metropolis of Pakiland can be a tricky city.
My words are neither a random cacophony of rhyming phrases as yours, nor can I write in abstract, and since you claim to be honest and brutal, I am sure you will not take any of these cold hard facts personally. Let me clear some myths here and it is from all of Us, to all of You.
1- Yes, means YES, and No, means NO. If we say we are busy, we actually are Busy, and if we say we forgot to call you…… we FORGOT……..Period.
2- There is no need to call asking for why we haven’t replied to your text yet, a forward message does not require a reply, and “LOL”, “Hehehe” and “Hmmm”, are perfectly fine answers.
3- Every color has two shades, light and dark, Peach is a fruit, so is Apricot and Plum.
4- If we show up in a pink shirt and puffy eyes, it does not mean we have suddenly turned gay. There might be a sleepless night dedicated to a looming deadline and that might be the only clean shirt in the closet.
5- If we like any of your posts on facebook, that means we liked your post, A cheeky comment doesn’t equals a commitment.
6- If we ask you to go out with us, please be a little more specific on where you would like to go for dinner, any place where no other woman who looks better and younger than you is present is hard to locate. Once there, please order your own food and eat from your own plate. If we are giving you a free pick and drop service and paying for your meal, that entitles us to eye up every hottie present in the vicinity, so suck it up sweetie pie. And what is the deal with getting upset if there is someone else wearing the same dress as you? We do have a face recognition system installed and would not leave you there and take her home instead.
7- Fuck is a phrase, not necessarily a suggestion.
8- If you don’t like us staring at your bosom, you can turn around, we love the rear view too, besides, staring at boobs is healthy. There used to be a useless piece of cloth hanging on your top half once, what was it called?
9- No, we can never tell you had a hair cut. How on earth are we supposed to figure out that a coiffure took off quarter on an inch from your mane and charged you a couple of thousands, we have better things to measure than the length of your locks.
10- If you think all our buddies are Bastards, babes, the bitches you call friends aren’t any better.
11- We cannot mark our calendar Red, for that time of month of yours. Grow up girl, and stop blaming everything on PMS.
12- If we ask you to meet for coffee near midnight, it means we are concerned about you and don’t want you to commit suicide, if you don’t want such requests, for goodness sake stop posting silly status updates whining about how lonely, miserable and depressed you are.
13- Crying is an Absolutely Annoying, Immensely Irritating and Utterly Unacceptable behavior in adults.
14- We are intelligent enough to know that “If you cannot handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” translates as “I am a clingy, needy, fucking psycho bitch”. Have you ever tried handling your own self, even when you are at your not-so-worst??…. Scary-Eh??
15- What is the matter with your shoes? And why do you have to powder your nose after every half an hour.
16- Instagramming selfies from rest rooms………. Seriously?? Still??
I can go on and on and on, but I am short of time, as on planet Men there is something called work. One more request, before you “Assume” anything Ladies, there is this crazy method called “Asking”, do give it a try ……….
A piece of wisdom, next time when you decide to go out with a guy, instead of relying on that crap “Guy Score” you have invented, use something else, that is called “Common Sense”.
Do you know that smarty pants, who once said that she hates to put labels on people and is strongly against generalization of them??
A Not- So- Platonic friend. 😛
11th, August, 2013.