Dreaming Blue!

In his arms my soul rested, at last. I was Peaceful, in the knowledge that He owns every inch of me. Serene with reassurance that he will not allow me to let Him down. Calmed by His quiet firm unyielding ownership of me. I found myself, and knew where I belong ……… and where I want to belong for the rest of my life………..

When he vowed that his passion for me is infinite and undying, and I shivered and sighed, heavily, feeling safe, satisfied and scared…………. What if one of us was lying??

What if this minute of bliss was just a random thought, a bizarre dream……………. an imaginary encounter, in my parallel universe………… a product of my fucked up fantasy……………

I closed my tired, teary eyes, completely confused and utterly lost, and decided to paint my nails, every single one in a different shade of blue, ……….Cobalt, Azure, Cerulean, Turquoise and Duck egg……………

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When he held my hands with a promise to never let go, I wanted to cry, for my inadequacy to reciprocate, my inability to trust, my lost years, the emptiness of my soul ……….. I have nothing left to give …………… nothing but borrowed words, stolen thoughts…… demons of my desires …… fragility of my strength………..  vulnerability of my passion ……..…… Fears of my bravado……………

Things have their own way of working out, you just have to keep going and something will eventually suggest itself………… sometimes it is necessary to fall apart, so you can put yourself together the way you should be………….. right things do happen, sometimes in your wildest dreams and perhaps some dreams are meant to be seen with wide open eyes……….what to do then? ………. Going with the flow is not easy, not anymore……..

Painting nails, is easy…………..

Why do I have faith that he was not the one who lied ??………..

I can still smell his presence, taste his whispers, feel his breath, see his touch, he is all around me, engulfing my conquered, quivering self, in a soft warm cocoon, made of hope, darker than the swoon of sin, softer than the smell of pleasure……………………. Warmer than a November night,

Blues are pretty,

If it was a dream, let me sleep till eternity……….………. And if this is the reality of my life,

I told nothing but the Truth ……….

…………….

4th November, 2013.

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2 thoughts on “Dreaming Blue!

  1. when I started reading this, i almost felt it was divine love you are talking about. And now after having read it all, perhaps yes, it still is about divine love, because all love is indeed divine ! a way to find that nothing really exists in this world, and the union with the beloved always leaves you more empty than before!

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