Phantom Love.

Amputees suffer pains, cramps, itch in the leg that is no longer there. That is how she felt without him, feeling his presence where he no longer was.

It was hard for her, she thought of him, and wrote……….. Everything that she wrote, was either for him, or about him……….so she could be with him, even when she was not, in her words………………in her writing, in her dreams.

She was disgusted of herself for being so badly addicted to him, she was tired of abuse, but the lust was hard to refuse, and the biggest dilemma was, that she knew, how futile, how meaningless, how worthless this whole shebang was, he had destroyed her in so many beautiful ways………….. she completely understood now, why the storms were named after people…………….

She woke up completely lost this morning, with no thoughts of past or future, no plans for the present, in an hour of sorrow and affliction, a morning without him was a dwindled dawn, the start of another day of mundane tasks and menial routines………………

She was a prism of sadness, through her, silence passed and divided into numerous shades of blue, separating into fragments of countless emotions, she closed her eyes again, and wanted to Dream  ………………………………………..

She had no answers of the whens, and whys, she seeked, answers, she wanted to drape herself around his soul and disappear, into the warm, fuzzy comfort of solitude, she craved to hear his voice, like the rhythm of rain, pouring all over her barren body…………….

She was scared as hell to want him, but there she was, wanting him anyway……….. Passion mellowed down from years of hurt, turned her into a scared soul, she was afraid to let the world know, her strength lied in her hidden vulnerability, and deep down she felt …………… the hunger…………

Starved, shriveled, scarred, she lied, behind the perfectly constructed flawless façade, and licked her wounds dry, she knew the one that held the potion to heal her, was oblivious to her turmoil, or perhaps, he held it, and kept it secretively, stashed away, she had to prove herself worthy……………. To get his shelter, she yearned to be kept a prisoner of his freedom, a mere shadow of his might, a moth, driven towards his eternal flame, she wanted to burn till eternity,

leap-of-faith-vel-verrept

She was a ruin, but every ruin has a hope of a hidden treasure……………………..

Silence surrounded her, and she had the revelation that her task was not to seek for love, but to find all the barriers, within, set them on fire and to rise … from the ashes of her sacrifices, as a pure, pristine, soul …… Leaving the callings of flesh behind, on the path of self-actualization.

She had faith………… and took a Giant Leap………..

Seemi.

18th November, 2013.

©BoldieTalks. 

(Image Used : Leap of Faith by Vel Verrept) 

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5 thoughts on “Phantom Love.

  1. Me and my Solitude make up a wonderful couple,
    I am lonely, discharged, embraced but Free from Guilts,
    My wishes are my demands and my thoughts are my Guilts,
    I stand here with my confession,
    Nothing missed but YOU…!
    Thoughts are many but words few…
    Hold me firmly and come back,
    Life is inispid without YOU, Yeah Its Namby Pamby…!
    —–
    Tafseel Choro buss itna Sunn lo…Tum buhat Yaad aa rahay ho..!
    —–
    Speechless, Yet I feel for him Boldie needs you back, dont wait else you will lose her.

    Like

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